For Day 18 of #Janblogaday: Advice… for newly-weds, oldie-weds, and anyone who intends to share their love with someone else one day. Dedicated to our newly-wed and newly-engaged friends at home: Hilary and Justin, Shelbie and Jared, Garrett and Emma, Brad and Janelle, Lisa and Deach, Josh and Katie — because we love you with the same care as we love each other. These are things I’ve learned, loved and grown to love about life as a newly-wed.
CONGRATS congrats congratulationssssss! Your new life together… it’s happening! And you’re beautiful. Oh my God, you are so beautiful together… stunning, glowing, a pure golden reminder of the most beautiful gift in the world: to love and be loved. Does it get better than this? It totally does! Dating was good, engagement was great, marriage…. marriage is like the honeymoon you’ve been waiting for all your life. Let the lifetime of happiness commence!
You must know I’m overflowing with a million anxious and exciting thoughts I have for you in your marriage. From one newly(ish)-wed to another… I share these thoughts with you — not because I think they are a recipe for a successful marriage, but because they are meant to build your marriage up when it’s easy, when it’s hard, and when you sometimes forget.
I love you both very much. We love you both very much. And the next double date night is on us 🙂
Love, Lindsey and Colin
Relive your moments as often as you can
Do you ever look back on your dating days and can’t quite remember when the first kiss was? Or where you were the moment you knew you were in love? Moments that, at the time they were happening, were life-changing. But now, months or years later, are cloudy, fogged up memories. Try and not let this happen. Relive your moments. Every bit of them.
Remember exactly the way you felt when he proposed; exactly the way you felt when she said yes. What do you remember about your first dance? And walking down the aisle? The trees. The faces of all your guests. The lit candles. And the piano. The breeze that day and your groomsman’s off-coloured shirt. Your nephew learning to walk down the aisle. Your flowergirl’s dress and her curly, bouncy hair. Remember what your dad said when he shook your hand; what your mom said when she hugged you that day. Remember stepping off the plane to your honeymoon? What was the air like? Was your cab driver weird? When you walked into your honeymoon suite — first reaction?
Remember all of these things. And talk about them together… all the time. Because those small, life-stopping, life-changing moments will fade faster than you want them to. They’re moments that will remind you of your love, your fun, and all your favourite things about being married so that you never forget (and for when you really need the reminders one day, and even on the days you don’t).
Women and men are different, think different things, we already know that
Women, we tend to get a little mad sometimes for not very logical reasons. Men, they tend to be on a different planet of understanding when we need them on our own. For both of us, forgetting what doesn’t matter is important. I hope your wedding day was everything you dreamt it to be and more. If there were imperfect parts, small holes in your dream day… let them go, they don’t matter. When he picks up the wrong brand of granola at the store, let it go. When she accidentally shrinks your favourite shirt, let it go.
Women, your feelings are not “better” than his. Men, hers are not “crazier” than yours.
Wives, your husbands need your support. You’re their biggest fan, always. Husbands, your wives will never tire from hearing those three little words, even if said a million times over. Both, never withhold loving and supporting words even when you don’t want to say them. There will be times you’d rather keep those words to yourself, don’t.
More is more
One of the biggest and most difficult lessons I’ve learned in marriage is that it’s not 50/50. Sometimes you will do more and he/she will do less. But that will switch all the time. When it’s your turn to give more, give more. Marriage is not made up of 50% + 50%. Marriage is 250%: 100%+ from each of you all the time, and usually more. If you’re stuck, do what I do: Buy him a candy bar (or take her on a surprise date).
A few more things
Snuggle often. Give lots of thanks — too much is always better than not enough. Don’t discount the amazingness of a good hug, a loving text message, and a kiss goodnight. Be the first one to say sorry, always. Trust until you have reason without a shadow of a doubt that you can’t. In that case, talk about it… calmly and rationally. And be willing to forgive.
Resist urges to be influenced poorly when you sense them, respond with forgiveness when you don’t sense them, stay close to those you trust and know, accept advice as much as possible, seek and build the support of one another, remind each other of the ideals you have for your marriage often. Protect it from outside influences that do not have your best at heart.
And when the going gets tough (which it will sometimes), and life puts up obstacles for you for fun…. promise the same promise you made in your vows on your wedding day and love each other as hard as you can. And pray… pray that whatever endurance of loss or hardship you may face in the future, it will spare your marriage and let you come out together.
Soak up all the joyful goodness of marriage; not because one day it’ll be gone. Soak it up because you can. Because YOU’RE MARRIED! And because you actually have the gift that millions of people want — to fall asleep and wake up with the person you love most. Soak that up, never let it get old.
* * *
More from #Janblogaday: Day 1: New… year, new resolution. Day 2: Two… things you should never say to your partner. Day 3: Bucket list… of (some un)realistic wishes. Day 4: Pet peeve… fountains are not the new jungle gym. Day 5: Fear not, even if I am a little crazy. Day 6: Embarrassment: Lindsey – 1, Dad – 4. Day 7: The shoe horoscope. Day 8: A little honesty. Day 9: Made with love: Wintery Instagram jam. Day 10: Grandma took my room, so I took her pajamas. Day 11: A husband confession. Day 12: Haiti changed me. Day 13: Top ten ‘why not’ finds at Walmart. Day 14: Guess that food. Day 15: A hug-free, dent-free left-hand side of the road. Day 16: I’m getting my own tube. Day 17: This is your brain on bacon. Tomorrow day 19: Superpowers.
Follow January blog a day on your site (copy and paste the HTML into your sidebar, widget or post):
<a href="http://www.lindseytalerico.com/tag/janblogaday"><img src="http://www.lindseytalerico.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/janbloggraphic_250.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>