You might be unsurprised to know that Starbucks was my second stop after having just got off the plane in Seattle three weeks ago for holiday. My first stop: Walmart. Because I didn’t bring any razors with me, desperately needed deodorant, and wanted some pistachios. Done. Day 13 of #Janblogaday is an ode to Walmart — for being in my top ten best conveniences of American list. I already miss you.
Sometimes I think heaven might be a little like Walmart — except more ethical, and without the fluorescent lighting and blue vests, but still with the “roll back” signs but “roll back sins” instead of prices. Heaven: a place where I can get my cloud bedding, duct tape to fix my new wings, spanx for underneathe my shimmery golden gown, a calorie-free sandwich and soy latte made by an angel barista, and an afternoon eye appointment with God (the fixer of all things). Yes, a lot like Walmart.
Here are just a few of the top finds you can pick up at this mecca of a superstore that will have you saying, ‘why not?!’. If heaven is the one-stop destination for your soul, then Walmart is the one-stop shop for all your (and your whole neighbourhood’s) purchasing needs.
#10: 4 pounds of tuna fish
#9: 20 pounds of rice
#8: Mt. Dew 40s
#7: 6 pounds of chili
#6: 1 gallon of ranch or mustard
#5: Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli.
#4: Super cheap refried beans
#3: A giant heart of candy for your loved one
#2: A wall of cup of noodles.
#1: 1 gallon of mayonnaise.
And because I mentioned Honey Boo Boo… a special little treat for you:
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More from #Janblogaday: Day 1: New… year, new resolution. Day 2: Two… things you should never say to your partner. Day 3: Bucket list… of (some un)realistic wishes. Day 4: Pet peeve… fountains are not the new jungle gym. Day 5: Fear not, even if I am a little crazy. Day 6: Embarrassment: Lindsey – 1, Dad – 4. Day 7: The shoe horoscope. Day 8: A little honesty. Day 9: Made with love: Wintery Instagram jam. Day 10: Grandma took my room, so I took her pajamas. Day 11: A husband confession. Day 12: Haiti changed me. Tomorrow — Food.
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