SIXXXXXX… it’s day six. Six consecutive days of blogging in a row… PEOPLE, THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED!!! Okay, getting on with it… Day 6 of January blog a day: Embarrassment.
So in grade school I had these GAP overalls. (You didn’t wear in GAP in 5th grade?! Pshhh…Everyone wore GAP.) Jean overalls were basically a prerequisite to having friends so you can believe I had two pair so I could wear them twice a week. Once, I was in my overalls just loving my entire look, and went to the restroom to go number one.
Fate would have it that day that my entire left overall strap would hate me and decide to lounge in the toilet while I went pee. This is basically a major early childhood disaster because you can’t walk back to class and hide a wet overall strap. And these were the days before we cared about the environment so there was no air dryer. My three minute restroom time limit was up before I could paper towel dry my strap and I was forced to walk back to class to endure weird looks and recess embarrassment.
That’s the extent of my embarrassing stories. Day six, you are a tough crowd. That’s why I’ve hunted and gathered some supplementary material for the topic. I asked dad tonight what some of his embarrassing moments are. This is what he had…
Note: Dad is your favourite person. Loving, caring, a little over the top, eerratic, easily excited about things he loves, with almost zero reverence for rules and structure. He is the life of every party and the guy you always wanted to be friends with. He once let a pony out on the main highway and has totalled more cars than anyone I know.
#1. That time in church
After mom and dad got married, back in like 1950 (just kidding mom and dad), they went to the church they married at for a casual Sunday service. Sweet innocent new Christians that they were, they happily volunteered their hands during the altar call. After service an elderly man from the church came to talk to them. He asked my dad, “What do you do here?” Dad answered, “Worship God.”
“No, I mean… what do you do here in Puyallup — for a living?”
#2. That time on the lawn
Dad’s exact words when he started telling me this wee story: “This was back when you just did stupid stuff. Just dumb stuff.” // And… here we go….
Dad was like 16ish… him and his friend sort of liked these two sisters, thought they were really hot. So they took his Bronco and decided to do brodies in the girls’ front lawn, which I guess is the equivalent of today’s Facebook friend request. So they’re burning out on the lawn just tearing it up, livin’ it up. Dad looks to the window of the house and guess who’s inside? His mom and dad… having dinner with the hot sisters’ parents.
#3. That time at the wedding
They were at a wedding for a co-worker of mom’s… lovely nuptials and now enjoying the band at the reception. Mom’s bosses eight-year-old daughter asks dad if he wants to dance. He was standing on a ledge of some sort against the wall. When he went to hop off the step he didn’t realise there was another step. The man is not small so as he caught the second step, he rolled his ankle and avalanched onto the nearby table of wedding guests totally flattening out that table and all of its empty chairs. It was an ultimate party fail moment — the band stopped, the bride gasped… and dad wound up in the ER that night with a broken ankle.
#4. That time he adopted a kid
Probably the most anxious part of the adoption process is your interview with the case worker. Wear something nice and parent looking, clean the house, get the Glade Plugin going, bribe your current kid to behave. When the case worker came by for their interview, dad was probably in his favourite mustard yellow suede shirt having just gel’d his hair. He went to tell the lady how excited he was to have a bond with his future baby. Except replace ‘bond’ with ‘bondage’ — “I’m excited for the bondage of my new baby.”
PS: I’m that adopted kid 🙂 Lots of bonding, no bondage here.
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More from #Janblogaday: Day 1: New… year, new resolution. Day 2: Two… things you should never say to your partner. Day 3: Bucket list… of (some un)realistic wishes. Day 4: Pet peeve… fountains are not the new jungle gym. Day 5: Fear not, even if I am a little crazy. Tomorrow day 7: The shoe horoscope.
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