Update: Katherine Bach’s automated emails are persistent. I’ve received three more since this first one urging me to try out some Zestra. Still not giving in….
I received the following email today….
It got me thinking a lot about how some people have a greater sense of sensual adventure than others. For instance, I’m not really the whips and chains type. Handcuffs sound… distressing. And the only concept of masochism I allow to exist in my mental universe is the whole vampire loves human thing.
The hus and I are a lot alike in this way. While we might not always agree, (say, politically) no random metal objects in any room but the garage is something we’re on the same page about. (And thank goodness, because that would be one serious DTR to have two years into marriage). It’s safe to say when it comes to sensual adventure, I’m not an extremist. “Base jumping” in the bedroom isn’t really my cuppa tea.
Believe it or not… reading Fifty Shades of Grey had me dwelling more on the concept of how our childhood experiences can deform our emotional needs as adults, and how we seek to acquire what we think we need through physical affirmation as we progress through life relationally scarred — rather than the provocative visuals of strange arousal (that’s how I refer to it). I’m basically a part-time (self-entitled) psychologist. (Thanks Myers-Briggs for helping me work that out).
But when my psychology studies need some scientific inspiration or proof, I turn to the single place where all things are true: the internet. That’s how I learned Zestra is like the best sounding neosporin ever — acts quick, lasts long… except it’s not used on paper cuts. (From their website) After applying Zestra, the effects — the Zestra Rush™ — begin within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes.
But the best news of all is that Zestra is Kris Jenner recommended. The Kris Jenner who is basically like the original desperate housewife. (Extra credit to the Kardashians who have endorsed yet another great product. After ordering my bottle of Zestra, I feel like going out and buying a new pair of Sketchers, too.)
Learning moment: After all these misdirected attempts to awaken my inner goddess, I have to say… I’d still go with Christian Grey. If he is unavailable, I’ll settle for Ryan Gosling. But not at the expense of my marriage, of course, because you can’t replace or buy or topically apply fifty shades of wonderful.