Political conversations don’t take well in every house. A recap of my night…
Democrat of the household: I saw your tweet today. So are you giving up your Republican dream to own a gun shop?
— Colin Hedren (@ColinHedren) August 5, 2012
I was kind of proud of you. But tweeting that I was proud of you seemed a little demeaning so I didn’t post it, for your sake.
Republican of the household: My wife is so thoughtful.
Dem: Did you see mine?
— Lindsey Talerico (@lindseytalerico) August 5, 2012
Rep: Yeah, I saw it.
Dem: It’s totally true. And pathetic.
Rep: The U.S. will definitely increase security before we address the real issue.
Dem: Oh really? Are you allowed to talk like that, Republican?
Rep: Ummm yeah. I told you I think gun legislation should improve.
Dem: Pretty sure your vote says otherwise. Like maybe your last girlfriend’s daddy is on the board of the NRA.
Rep: My last girlfriend?
Dem: Yeah, I bet she wore a bonnet. And learned how to gut a deer when she was six. She also fishes. Crazy enough, she bought the fishing pole at the same place she bought her gun… when she was eight.
Rep: Yeah, that does sound a lot like someone I’d date.
Dem: You know you vote for a candidate and their party. You don’t get separate votes for all the different issues.
Rep: But just because you vote for one party or another doesn’t mean you believe everything they stand for.
Dem: It kind of does.
Rep: No, if you believe nine out of ten things that a candidate stands for and you want your vote to count, then you vote for that candidate knowing that one thing you don’t agree with…but you still want your vote to count… you’re never going to agree 100% of what a candidate stands for… but if you want to vote then you’re forced to be okay with a percentage that you won’t agree with.
Dem: Another name for that is compromise. You compromise certain things you don’t agree with for the greater good of what you do agree with.
Rep: But just because you compromise doesn’t mean you agree. You only compromise because you’re forced to.
Dem: You’re forced?
(Rep gives Dem weird, quizzical look.)
Rep: Or you don’t vote. Or you write your own name on the line.
Dem’s inner-monologue: God forbid you vote for the other, more democratic, more civilized of the two candidates. Now that would be forced. (Rep gives Dem a look — like maybe he’s reading her mind — that isn’t nice, or kind, or civilized. But is, on the other hand, very, very Republican.)
Rep: No one ever agrees with a candidate 100%. You choose the party that you agree with the most to vote. But it doesn’t you mean believe and like all the same things.
Dem: I believe Jesus died for my sins and rose from the dead to give us Easter. But I don’t like that he was so mean to all the temple priests and made people leave their families to follow him. So I vote for Christianity, excluding the fundamentalists.
Rep: That is not the same thing as voting for president.
Dem: Except it is. But in this case, you’re voting for eternal life… Jesus’ party.
Rep: I also think we could vote differently in the future depending on where we find ourselves in life.
Dem: Like washed up on the shore of our own self-pity? You’d switch your vote over that? You literally have no loyalty.
Rep: You vote based on how issues will affect you. We probably aren’t going to take into account laws that affect small businesses because we don’t own a small business. And I might vote differently in the future if that changes.
Dem: Okay, lukewarm.
Redeeming lessons from this conversation: 1) Never marry for politics, unless it comes with a title like First Lady or Dutchess, and 2) Never marry politics. And by that, I mean that trying to calmly and rationally discuss politics with the person you’re married to is largely useless, especially if they’re an apathetic voting Republican.
PS: Colin rates himself a 3 on my made-up Republican/Democrat scale (0 = Republican, 10 = Democrat). I rate him more like a 2.5. And I’m probably like an 8.5 but he thinks I’m only a 7. On another note, we are equal in our love for ice cream and our disdain for bad bosses…. which are apparently the crux and glue of our marriage… that and lots of love.
PPS: Colin feels, once again, that I’ve misrepresented him in this post.
If you’d like a different sound bite of what (our) marriage sounds like, try out: Olympians: They’re so hot right now