It’s tough times to be a book. Fifty shades of tough.
Also equally as tough times to be a new bookie — that is you’ve decided to start feeding your brain a little more than your thighs since the opposite has been true since about 1998, and so have purchased a Kindle that is basically the new shoes of ereaders. Because when you look good you feel good, and when you feel good… you read more.
The background story of how Fifty Shades of Grey found itself on my Kindle is three-fold:
1. I was in the divot of a small depressive episode having finished the Hunger Games tril (“tril” as in trilogy for the amateurs) weeks previously and Half the Sky really wasn’t cutting it.
2. Never hurts to read a #1 best seller. Also the reason I don’t mind the Biebs.
3. I have a thing for ties. I think they look nice. Exhibit A:
So me and Fifty Shades hung out for like five hours on the first night. And stayed up late chatting on the second night. There were third dates and fourth dates.
And six days later, I’d read an entire tril again. Watch out Katniss, you’re not the only girl on fire.
A word to mom and to the Fifty Shades apprehensive: give it a chance. Read it. After the first couple chapters, you’ll start to think, oh, it’s pretty good. At first you’re like maybe I shouldn’t read this. No I can, I just won’t tell anybody. And by the end you’re like… Christian Grey, ohhh… he’s fine.
Still, the Grey style might not be everyone’s cup of tea… To these fifty peeps, keep your day jobs and consider yourselves told.
2. the Pope
3. the Heaven-bound
4. TOMS Shoes
5. Mark Driscoll
6. The Free Masons — the whole idea of that is uncomfortable
7. Britney — Although, I bet she’d make one hell of a leather-wearing, whip carrying music video. Oh wait, that’s Miley.
8. Rob Bell
10. Chris Brown — You know he might take this one domestic violence step too far
11. Billy Graham, because that would be so sad
12. My dad
13. Primrose Everdeen
14. the mail man — already creepy enough
15. Joseph Kony
16. Single women over age 45 who prefer cats to dogs
17. Bristol Palin
18. Lindsay Lohan
19. The Kardashian clan — although I could be convinced otherwise
20. Church staff, charity workers and youth volunteers
21. Toddlers in tiaras
23. Tim Tebow
24. Dance moms
25. Suzanne Collins
27. and for that matter, Lucy
28. the Olsen Twins
29. the Taliban
30. Mr. Rogers
31. Visual thinkers
32. the non-imaginative
34. the Dutchess of Cambridge – because we like her
35. Tom Cruise, for so many reasons
36. the easily offended
37. 40 year-old virgins
39. Taylor Swift — otherwise we’ll all be hearing about that on the radio
40. the manic depressive
41. most men
42. the newly divorced
44. anyone who produces an MTV or Oxygen reality show
46. Phoebe Buffay or Joey Tribbiani
48. country singers
49. Angry birds or World of War Craft addicts — because your addictions are already so immature
50. The Amish
* * *
Just a little bit of tough love, in true Fifty Shades fashion. And like pistachio ice cream or South Florida, it’s not for everyone.
PS: Dear movie makers, please no more Kristin Stewart. And in casting Christian Grey, best choice easily… Ryan Gosling. Exhibit B:
PPS: Thanks Reece for idea-ing this post with me.