I trust you because… (Marriage Letters)

Timely (as I’m sure the good Lord would have it) it was for me to stumble upon a few of the Marriage Letters exchanged between spouses the last couple of weeks. In the heat of a domestic dispute that I, of course, am completely justified and right about (eyes rolling in the back of your head yet?), I was gently reminded of the differences even two people who love each other (seemingly unconditionally) have. And those differences can lead us to draw lines in the sand, or they can be a reflection and testament of hard love — that is, love that is hard work sometimes. But never nonexistent.

Marriage letters | The Runamuck BlogFor the next three Tuesdays (Mondays in the states) Colin and I are joining Scott and Joy, and others in the “married with confusion” boat by writing letters to the person who stands beside us, loves us, and forgives us time and time again; calling our marriages for what they are… hard work. But worth every effort.

I really wish the writing prompt could’ve been “places we want to travel to together” or “things we do on our weekends”. That would be so nice, and simple. Instead, this week’s letter prompt is “I trust you because”. Nothing like the easy stuff to shed a little light on your marriage.

*          *          *

Dear Colin,

I trust you because…

These are words I don’t speak nearly often enough. They are rare, like the way our arguments used to be and the way I hope they’ll become again as our marriage ripens and wises up.

I trust you because…

I want to be able to dish out a thousand reasons and more about why I trust you. I want to have volumes of compliments that speak to those thousand reasons. Mainly I want that because you’d be deserving of every word.

But if I’m honest, which I promised you I’ll always try my best to be, those words are probably the second most difficult set of words for me to feel and speak to you, to anyone, with complete confidence and promise. Right after the words I forgive you.

It’s not because I have a backlog of wrongdoings that I tally every time I find you particularly untrustworthy. I have not a single reason not to trust you. You’re good to me and to our marriage. You put us first. You put me first. You work, and laugh and toil under the wedded sun while I’m inside reading or baking something fattening for us to eat.

I trust you because…

Those words are difficult for me because trusting you means trusting me. It means trusting my own intuition. And I’d much prefer to have an author’s words, or my mom, or a white paper on the web to help back my intuition. Makes me feel more matter-of-fact. But underneath my mask of certainty is intuition that is as fragile as a house of cards; that I fear is one poor judgement call away from crumbling to the ground.

I trust you because…

We both know I am a person who says what she means. My blatant words are as clear as their face value, but are as deep as the ocean is wide. I know that makes understanding me an obstacle of its own 110% of the time. And that makes loving me hard, literally difficult, a consistent struggle. We have that in common: trying to love me despite my remarkable ability to contradict and set unrealistically high expectations of myself; and nonsensically absurd expectations on you to know my every thought 30 seconds before I think it.

It means some deep hold inside me refuses to let me speak those words unless I truly mean them. Meaning them would require of me an acceptance, no… a willingness to let go of whatever presumptions I’ve conjured up in my imagination. And we know my imagination is a wild one — anarchistic with a vise grip hold on my attitude, convictions, and beliefs.

I trust you because…

There might be times in the future I’ll want to not trust you. And I’ll have to fight the good fight of marriage and remind myself that love is easy, but marriage is hard. And if I want to keep my marriage, I need to love you as hard as I can.

When I think of trust that way, I feel lighter. Because I know I’ll never find a reason good enough to keep from loving you. In fact, you give me a million reasons to love you. But I wouldn’t need any of them because I’m destined for the rest of my life to love you. And that’s not determined by a marriage certificate.

That’s because I believe our being together is the most valuable and most precious gift I’ll ever be given. It’s the surprise gift at the end of my stocking, wrapped neatly under my everyday tree. Your my walking, talking, living, breathing piece of Jesus. That’s why I trust you.

I trust you because…

I believe in us. I have faith in our marriage. I have hope for our future.

Love, Lindsey.

Marriage letters | Lindsey Talerico-Hedren

Writing you a letter again next Tuesday.

Colin’s resurrected his blog from September 2009 to join in some marriage letter writing. Read his letter: I trust you because…

Write your own Marriage Letter (maybe even to your future spouse) and add it to the linky on the Runamuck blog.

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